I Built This on One Song

I didn't listen to it while coding. That's not how it worked.

I'd lie in bed, alone, and put it on. And it would just... sit with me. Not fix anything. Not make things clearer. Just be there in the same room as the feeling I couldn't explain to anyone.

The song came out in 2025. The timing felt like something. I was building this portfolio in the same season I was quietly falling apart.

I was grieving something I didn't have a word for at the time.

Not a person. Not a moment. More like — a version of myself I kept promising my family was coming. The one who would finally get it together. Finish without repeating subjects. Excel at something. Be in a position to actually help, not just exist as someone they worried about.

That version kept not arriving.

So I built this instead. Not as a replacement. As proof. That my CS diploma is something, not nothing. That I was here, and I was trying and I had something to show for it even when everything else felt uncertain.

I treat this website like a playground. There are days I felt happy going down the slides. Something clicks, a feature works, it looks exactly right. And there are days I fall and hurt. Something breaks, I don't understand why, I feel like I'm too far behind to catch up. But I wake up, brush off the wounds and keep playing. :)

That's what Hindia's song is about. Not triumph. Not arrival. Just the act of continuing when the grief is still present.

I built this in that space. Not after the hard part. During it.